When we communicate in words, most people are unaware how individuals attach meaning. We simply assume that we are speaking the same language as well as hold to our intentions of what we send in message. Most of you who are currently reading this become confused and feel misunderstood when the message sent was received differently.
How does this happen?
Let’s explore. Read the following word: Flower. What do you think of? Do you think of a rose, a geranium, an orchid or even a bouquet of carnations? Perhaps you think of a floral arrangement or a roadside flower vendor. Some might even think of this word as a verb, as in to flower, bud, expand and grow. Others may consider a baking ingredient. All are valid, yet in a group, this one word may evoke different experiences in each individual. To be more specific, let us use the word: Rose. Do you think of a single rose? If so what color? Is this rose in full bloom or is it just opening? Is the rose a part of a bouquet or arrangement? Perhaps it is a person named Rose.
From this simple example, it is a wonder how any of us communicate at all. To string together concepts via words and hope that they will be received as they were given is a daunting task. Yet we continue to speak. We often follow it up with phrases like, you didn’t understand. When in fact the opposite is the case, you failed to communicate the message as it was to be received. We might infer the rose meaning via other words around it, for instance: The single rose is resting in water. This might be a flower in a vase, or my Aunt floating in the East River.
We further infer meaning to what we think was said. This becomes important when we learn of another's values, buying reasons, likes and dislikes. Simple assumptions will usually fail us at this point. Asking too many questions tend to annoy. As it is the pattern of most, ego dictates that our understanding is the correct version. (This usually becomes reason for disputes. Add a bit of rationalized justification and now we have something.)
How might words apply to us? First and foremost is the awareness of specific words to our neurology. Again we’ll take a rose. (Not arose, this ambiguity will be saved for a later teaching.). How might this rose affect you? Was there someone you knew as Rose? Did you lose money on Pete Rose? Does Rose evoke some kind of mental imagery or perhaps a scent, a phrase or feeling? Does rose hold some other meaning to you? Does a rose of a single color evoke memories be they pleasant, loving or fantasy? The scent of rose oil? Maybe it stems from the petals, or just the thorns? I think you get my point.
If there are visceral associations between the word and yourself, imagine how another may respond to different aspect of the same word. Now magnify this against all the words you know. Now take this appreciation to all of the people that you come in contact with. In any of my courses, I lead students through the above examples and then I’ll have them explore words such as trust, respect and worth.
When we have a greater and more complete understanding, we simply communicate better. Far and away the greatest communications that we may have, as well as most influential are those internal ones we have with ourselves. How many of us fail to make these considerations while speaking to clients, friends, family and especially the ones we love.
Jeff Schoener is the recipient of the only NLP™ Wordsmythe License Certificate issued by the Society of Neuro-Linguistic Programming. Beyond the powerful techniques of NLP™ and DHE™, this Wordsmythe teaches precise distinctions of how words tones and phrases affect the neurology of yourself and others. This specific communication understanding gives greater value to your message. Communication and personal growth workshops such as “Speaking the Same Language”, “Understanding Motivations” and “Making Better Decisions” among others, are precisely what makes Jeff Schoener such a sought after instructor/personal trainer for both corporate and professional development. For more information, visit: www.nlpwordsmythe.com AND www.experiencetruth.net
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the Same Language© Audio CD
© Copyright - Jeff Schoener 2006 - All rights reserved!
By: Andrea Amador
My husband, Angel and I have different points of views on this. I suppose that you could say that we chunked this differently in our minds. Chunking is a term derived from computer language and it means to break something down into bits. These chunks of images and information are ways that you represent ideas in your head.
You can either chunk big or chunk small. When you chunk small, you are able to see all the minute details of a project. By doing that, you go from the general idea of it to the specific or from seeing the whole project to a smaller part of it.
When you chunk up or look at the bigger picture, you will then see each of the smaller chunks as part of one big chunk. This means that you are looking at something from the point of view of a broader scope generalization and moving that to a specific idea or seeing it from a whole based perspective to seeing the smaller parts of it. Chunks are neither good nor bad. Both perspectives have equal value and each is useful at different times, in different situations.
In the case of our renovation, I looked at this project as one big chunk. Here’s an example:
I looked at PT’s closets and saw what was needed to be cleaned up and I said, “Bam, a piece of cake.” Small price to pay to end the misery around Cara’s nagging for more space.
I looked at the space, assessed my ability to do the work, commit to the job and saw the payoff gleaming brightly before me. In my imagination, I saw an image of my daughter, Cara, dancing to her Cheetah Girls’ music, loving her room, enjoying her big closets, everything put away and neat as a pin. I also saw her lovely face flash before my eyes with a toothy grin on it.
At the same time, I visualized seeing my son, PT sitting in his room, happy as a clam, a big smile on his face, enjoying his new flat screen TV, looking proudly around his room, admiring all the Yankee memorabilia and pictures on his newly painted walls.
Ah, a place for everything and everything in its place. Large as life. I can just picture it all now. Happy kids, happy Mom, happy family!
My hubby, Angel took one look at the closets, and the wall that would be demolished and said, “Oh Man, how are we ever going to get this done? We can’t possibly do this all today. Maybe we should call the contractor, John and ask him to come next week.”
He was doing some itty bitty chunking. His thoughts were on each of the small tasks within the big project. I could tell that was completely overwhelming him.
I imagine that he made pictures in his head or felt in his gut all the trips up and down the stairs with bags or armloads of clothes, furniture, and books. As a visual thinker, he probably conjured up images in his brain of seeing himself sweating, panting, dirty, frustrated, tired and hungry. I’ll just bet that he was watching a movie in his mind of a slow motion image of himself painting PT’s room. Torture personified! From the look on his face, I could tell he was recreating something awful in his mind. He saw the nightmare. I got a glimpse of the dream.
How does this apply to your goals? When you hold an image of a desired outcome, in your mind, the universe will draw to you that which is necessary in order to achieve it. There’s this power center in our brain that acts like a filter. It’s called the Reticular Activating System. The RAS takes a command from your brain and focuses energy on bringing your thoughts to manifestation.
Think of it as an antenna. It picks up every opportunity available to make your thoughts manifest into reality. Therefore, when you focus on negative things, you will more than likely attract more of them. That is because what you pay attention to grows.
I want to caution you and let you know that there is nothing wrong with chunking small. It is essential when you want to complete a project, however, in this case, it was overwhelming to my husband. In his eyes, he was just seeing all of the difficulty and discomfort connected with this job and it was paralyzing him, causing him to want to back out and procrastinate, putting the job off, ultimately creating more chaos.
Isn’t that what we often do when we have a task that seems overwhelming? We stagnate, become paralyzed, do nothing and spend our energy complaining of how miserable we are? That doesn’t move us to our desired outcome. Does it?
If you want to achieve a goal, it helps to connect up your reasons, methods, and your highest values with that outcome. By doing that, you will find that your task is much easier and you will naturally find ways of making it less painful, more fun and often you will enjoy the process. In short, making this connection will shortcut your progress and rocket you toward success.
That is what I did unconsciously when I first looked at my son’s closets. My highest value is connecting with others. I realized that I could enjoy greater connection with my whole family when the household is better organized and everyone is less stressed. That was the motivation that I needed in order to make this appear more doable.
Andrea Amador is The Juicy Woman.
She is a Certified Weight Loss Coach, Energy Coach, Master Practitioner of Neuro
Linguistic Programming (NLP) and Ericksonian Hypnosis. Andrea uses powerful
belief change-work methods to help women to overcome emotional eating, inspire
them to fall in love with themselves, eat what they love, trust their bodies
and yummy up their lives! Join her free Juicy Woman Fabulous Fit and Free Call.
Go to http://www.thejuicywoman.com
© Copyright - Andrea Amador 2006 - All rights reserved!